my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Randomize
