you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
