Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
