that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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