We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
