either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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