So gin and wine won't be happening again
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
