oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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