I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
