that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
