I accidentally burped into my bong.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You can't just leave with hair like that
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
