so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
