I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
