I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
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btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?