I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT