i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
