i don't like sucking hair
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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