There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Randomize
