My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I think I am morally bankrupt
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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