Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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