I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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