i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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