Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
