I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
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I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
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Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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