I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
