She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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