I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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