By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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