New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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