Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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