my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
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I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
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I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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