in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She needs sedatives and a leash
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
