You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
She is in my trunk
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
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I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
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Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
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