I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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