I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
