The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
he fucked my hip out of place.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
