Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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