Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
