I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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