a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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