"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
