I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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