btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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