It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
