can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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