The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
