She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
