I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
