she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
