In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
That accounts for only three of the penises
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
