Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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