you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
