I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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