i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
