my vag is so smooth its legendary
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
