Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
