My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
