What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
