He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
