Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
