i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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