We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
