the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
