Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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