I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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